North Rutland, VT – President-Elect Donald P. Trump made a
visit to this remote village today to announce that he has persuaded The George
George Toothpick Company to remain in the United States.
George George, the owner of the company which employees 6 workers, including
4 members of the George family, from relocating to Brazil.
Mr. George said that the planned relocation was inspired by
inexpensive wood available from the clearing of the Amazon rain forests, and the
sunny climate. “Also, Bernie won’t be
there to try and shove Obamacare and free tuition down our throads”, he
said. [Note, Mr. George did say
“throads”, when he obviously meant “throats”.]
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| CutePick |
President-Elect Trump used a carrot and stick approach in
persuading Mr. George to reconsider the relocation. While threatening a 35% tariff on toothpicks
manufactured in countries other than the United States, which would cut deeply
into the $8,000 monthly sales of toothpicks that his company now enjoys in the
sale of his banner product, the “Cutepick” to Whole Foods and the A & P
grocery chain, Mr. Trump offered Mr. George an incentive package to relocate his
manufacturing facility to Indiana, where Governor and Vice President-Elect Mike
Pence will provide a ten-year tax relief package and a $750,000 grant,
providing the relocation occurs not later than January 19, 2017.
“It’s a win-win solution”, Mr. George said, “and mostly I
win.” Mr. Trump gave Mr. George a USA
baseball cap and helicoptered off to meet with officials of a maple syrup
company that has threatened to move its maple trees from Vermont to Mexico.
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