Saturday, June 28, 2014

Shark Tank Millionaire Funds New Condom


Inventor Wilston Hickey
NEW YORK - Shark Tank millionaire Robert Herjavec fought off  two other Shark Tank members to win the right to invest in "Dip  Your Wick", at an episode to be aired during September 2014.    Inventor Wilston Hickey, a 77-year-old college dropout, originally from Troy, New York, received $169,000 in funding  a 10% interest in his company, Dip Your Wick, LLC,  a North Dakota limited liability company.



Mr. Hickey said that he was inspired to invent Dip Your Wick when browsing at a Home Depot store in Fargo, where he presently resides.  He noticed the plastic tool coatings in the paint department, which enable tools to be coated with a rubber or plastic coating.  Hickey bought a can of Plasti Dip to coat the rusting handles of his pliers, but when doing so he accidentally spilled some on his most private part, which quickly coated it.


"It was like a gift from Allah", Hickey told the Shark Tank members.  "This is way easier than wrestling with  a Trojan if you haven't had Daily Cialis".  After trying different combinations of products and application methods, he finally developed Dip Your Wick in both an aerosol spray-on product and a traditional can to which a male penis can be quickly dipped prior to lovemaking.


Barbara Cochran
Hickey has applied for a utility patent, and the application is pending.  Because of the unusual sensitivity of the product, the Shark Tank members (other than Barbara Cochran) went to a screened-in area to try out a sample, and were duly impressed with the ease of use.  During the negotiations with Mr. Hickey, Barbara quickly announced  "I'm out", but some of the other four investors made various offers and commented favorably about the product.


Robert Herjavec
Damon John
Asked what the funding will be used for, Hickey said that he will use it to experiment with expanding the line to offer various colors and flavors, "just like Trojan," and for some advertising in Hustler,  Ebony,  and Cosmos magazines.   At the present time, Dip Your Wick is available only in jet black and linen colors.  Damon John, who tried the linen sample, was very impressed, although he believed that the off-white color made his penis look small.  At the same time, Robert Herjavec said that he was excited after trying the jet black sample.  "I feel like a real African American stud", Herjavec said.  Damon John offered the $169,000 but demanded a 51% equity interest in the company.  Mark Cuban just laughed but said that he doubted whether his team members would use the product, and therefore he was out.  Billionaire Kevin O'Leary offered Hickey the requested $169,000, but in turn wanted a $1.00 per unit royalty in perpetuity, an offer that was rejected on Barbara's advice.


Advertising for Dip Your Wick will appear in print and online ads starting in October, and may be demonstrated on QVC.





Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Washington Redskins to Change Name

Team Owner Snyder
WASHINGTON - This reporter has exclusively learned that the Washington Redskins NFL team owner has agreed to change the name of his football team, following the double whammy of the United States Patent Office removing its trademark, and a rumor that team owner Donald Snyder once, in a private conversation, mentioned that the team had a "nigger" player.


Sports Analyst Savannah Guthrie
Team Logo
The compromise, to be announced on NBC's Monday Night Football by NBC's sports analyst, Savannah Guthrie, will change the name of the team to "Washington Injuns".  No change will be made to the team's logo.

 Not all Redskin Americans were satisfied with the name change.  Chief Geronimo Schwartz, who acts as counsel and spokesperson for the Native American Casino Owners Association (NACOA), likened Mr. Snyder to George Custer, although when questioned at length, Chief Schwartz said that the change of the team's name to the Washington Injuns might prove beneficial to the tribes he represents since they own the "Injuns" trademark, and might be able to cut a licensing deal with Snyder.  He said that he will explore that possibility on a new segment of ABC's "Shark Tank" later this summer.

Chief Geronimo Schwartz