Foxconn Urges End to China's One Child Policy

LONHUA, CHINA. - Foxconn, the world's largest manufacturer of electronic devices, including the Apple iPhone, iPod, iPad, and iMac computers, has urged China's National Population and Family Planning Commission to end that country's one-child policy.  For decades, in an effort to control the population growth of this third-world country, the national government has mandated that every family have only one child, except in rural areas where two children have been permitted if the first child is a girl.  As a result, most Chinese women are forced to undergo annual abortions, since birth control methods are both generally unknown to the undereducated population, and a diet consisting mostly of rice, halavah,  and bamboo shoots make the Chinese men quite horny.

The issue of the one-child policy was first brought to the attention of Foxconn by Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, Inc.  Mr. Cook noted that the increasing popularity of Apple devices manufactured by Foxconn requires a constant supply of workers to assemble its products.  "Only young Chink workers have the nimble fingers necessary to assemble the smaller, products, such as the iPhone 5 and the soon to be released iPhone 5 Mini, which will have a 3.75-inch screen."  Mr. Cook continued: " How can Foxconn keep up its production with only one child replacing two adults, and many of its adult workers are now leaving its workforce by suicide or developing arthritis and carpel tunnel disease because of the tedious and repetitive assembly process.? "

Former Wall Street guru and convicted Ponzi scheme crook, Bernie Madoff, who blogs for the Huffington Post on financial matters from the Butner, North Carolina federal prison, noted that Foxconn has threatened to move much of its future assembly production to Brazil, where, he noted, "the workers fuck like little bunny rabbits, assuring a good supply of workers, and the government doesn't give a crap about working conditions."

Wang Feng, director of the Brookings-Tsinghua Center for Public Policy, stated that Foxconn has been a good corporate citizen and has been caring for its aging workforce.  "Recognizing that most Foxconn assembly line workers cannot continue to assemble products because of physical or mental fatigue by the age of seventeen, Foxconn is expanding its product line where its factory workers can transition to less demanding jobs, such as making chicken chewies for dogs for export to the United States and Europe, or dog chewies for domestic consumption.  "However", Mr. Feng noted, "Foxconn must develop its own distribution network since Tim Cook has been adamant that the chewies cannot be sold under the 'iChewy' name.