Foreign Aircraft Safety Switch

THE PENTAGON - It was revealed today that all aircraft sold by the United States to most foreign countries have an embedded secret "safety switch" that allows the Secretary of Defense to disable many of the features of jet fighters and certain other military aircraft previously sold to foreign countries since the Regan presidency.  Using hardware and software developed by General Motors under contract with the Central Intelligence Agency, the system was an outgrowth of GM's Onstar automobile technology. 
"Just as Onstar can disable an Onstar equipped automobile by sending a signal to the vehicle by satellite at the request of a law enforcement agency, the military version, known officially as 'Foreign Aircraft Disable System', (FADS), can disable certain features of American made military aircraft by sending a satellite signal to the airplanes", Army PFC Aaron D. Bookheiser, Secretary Panetta's Director of Top Secret Classified Information (DTSI) leaked to this reporter on condition of anonymity.
"The program was suggested to President Regan by Major Oliver North and some of the neocon advisers who were then working on the ill-fated Strategic Defense Initiative, commonly known as 'Star Wars.  In return for a promise that the federal government would indemnify and hold GM harmless for any damages resulting from the use of the system and would also bail out the company if needed during future recessions, General Motors assigned Booker T. Brownman, inventor of Onstar, to develop the military version," PFC Bookheiser said.    (Note:  Mr. Brownman was the first African American to graduate from the prestigious North Dakota Technical and Agricultural Institute, which he attended with a Pell Grant and studied engineering  and ROTC.)
Because of the sensitive, top-secret nature of the project, Mr. Brownman set up the engineering laboratory in a small but secure building in a business park in Lansing, Michigan, where, as a cover,  it claimed to be a distributor of love lubricants and adult toys.  The actual manufacturing of the electronics was done in a section of GM's Oldsmobile factory. The first version was a small circuit board that was installed in the aircraft's seat heater, and upon receiving a command would disable the weapons systems.  It was called the "88".  (Note:  Later versions, according to PFC Bookheiser, were dubbed the "Super 88", the "98", the "Cutlass" the "Tornado" and finally, the "Aurora".)  Following GM's closure of the Oldsmobile factory, manufacturing was done by GM's Israeli subsidiary,  להפיל מטוסים למטהבע"מ  
The current version of FADS offers the Secretary several options.  He can turn off the aircraft's weapons systems, slow the top speed of the aircraft to 142 mph, or even completely turn off the jet engines while the aircraft is in flight.  The "Aurora" version, which is installed in the pilot's headrest, also permits the Secretary to eject the pilot.
"Americans should feel secure in knowing that the airplanes that we sell to the Krauts,  the Yellows, and the Towelheads can't be used against us" said Bookheiser.  "With the push of a button, we can maintain air superiority in any future battle.  I know that  gives the Kenyan comfort when dealing in international matters."