FTC Announces New Diversity Advertising Rules

Washington DC - Today, Federal Trade Chairman Joseph J. Simons announced that the Commission has promulgated new rules to ensure diversity and honesty in television advertising.  

Chairman Simons

"All too often," Commissioner Simons said, "the television audience just sees lots of white folks having a good time in television advertising that is hawking everything from prescription medicines, automobile insurance, and feminine products.  This does not truly reflect America, now that it has been made great again, and the new rules will demonstrate that diversity is now shared by both sides of the political aisle."

In a nutshell, the rules provide:

1. Every TV commercial that includes two caucasian ("Cauc") actors must also include at least one actor from the following ethnic groups: African American ("Negro"), Native American ("Indian"), or Asian ("Slant").  A person of Spanish heritage will be deemed to be a Cauc, except for advertising in California, Arizona, Texas, Florida, and New Mexico, where they will be referred to as "Latino" and will be included in the list of diverse Ethnic Actor Americans.

2. Negro actors must have a skin tone equal to or darker than Sherwin Williams 3522 Banyon Brown semi-transparent stain, or darker.

3. The Ethnic Actors must smile during the commercial, except in advertising described in Rule 6, below.

4. Every TV commercial for a bank or other financial institution must have an Ethnic Actor as a manager or loan officer.  White security guards will be unarmed and will open doors for Ethnic Actors.

5.    Luxury automobile dealers' ads must have either an Ethnic Actor as a salesperson or manager, or an Ethnic Actor as a purchaser, or both.

6. Advertising for hotels, restaurants, and other large venues that show groups of ten or more individuals must, in addition to a sole Ethnic Actor, must show at least one mixed-race couple and an obvious gay or lesbian of any ethnicity.  As an option, a drag queen may be substituted for a gay or lesbian actor.  [Note: certain hotel chains may apply for an exemption to this rule.]

6.   Ads for prescription pharmaceuticals may not show any actors laughing, smiling, or otherwise displaying joyful conduct during the listing or reading of the medicine's side effects. Looks of wonderment during such times are permitted at the discretion of the advertiser.  

" It should be noted that although the majority of the FTC commissioners were appointed by our current Great Leader, the proposed rules have been favorably commented upon by none other than Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez ("AOC").  "The adoption of these rules will become effective following the mandatory 90 review and comment period, God willing," said Commissioner Simons.