NEW YORK CONVICTED CRIMINALS ARE NO LONGER PRISON INMATES

NY Gov. Kathy Hochul

ALBANY – New York Governor Kathy Hochul this week signed legislation changing the term for persons in prisons from “inmates” to “incarcerated individuals.”  The state corrections department estimated the cost to change the term on websites and other documents to be less than $500,000.  “The cost is cheap, considering the joy that the change of their status description will bring to the felons who have become guests of our great state,” said Governor Hochul.  “Many incarcerated individuals with whom I have communicated have told me that it makes them feel less sad as they sit in solitary confinement cells, which in the future will be referred to as “private retreats.”  Governor Hochul continued: “Especially pleased with the change of the reference are the female guests, who will now be referred to by the staff as  "menstruating incarcerated individuals," although many of them will probably just be called “incarcerated dyke individuals.”   

 Typical Menstrasting Incarcerated Individual

 

“This is just the first of many changes that we will see in the New York State Department of Corrections and Community Services,” said Commissioner Louis A. Molina.   “Jails, prisons, big houses, or whatever the fuck they have been called in the past, will soon be referred to as “State Lodging Facilities.”  Prison guards, or “screws” as they are affectionally referred to by incarcerated individuals, will become “Facility Associates” and their supervisor will be referred to as the “Facility Associates Concierge.”  

New sign to read: "Sing Sing State Lodging Facility

Asked by this reporter for his opinion as to the change, incarcerated individual #5877643 said: “Its ok by me whatever the motherfuckers want to call me, but I would be happier if they would get the bugs and rats out of our  State Lodging Facilities and give us some real food instead of the shit being served up to our brothers in the Lodging Facility Nutritional Lounge.”