New Direction for St. Petersburg Pier

St. Petersburg, Florida - At a press conference called by newly elected St. Petersburg Mayor Rick "Hi-Guys" Kriseman, the St. Petersburg mayor announced a startling turn about for the City's plans for the now-closed Pier.  With the Development Committee Review chairman, Erik Smoot, Jr.,  standing beside the Mayor, and smiling broadly, Mayor Kriseman announced that the City will not only save the $45,000,000 left of the $50,000,000 originally budgeted for a replacement of the iconic landmark, but it will also actually realize a profit and economic surge.

Mayor Rick "Hi-
Guys" Kriseman

"Since taking office less than two weeks ago, I have done more for this town than the last guy, maybe more than the last two guys," Mayor Kriseman said.  I now have two great proposals to present to the City Council, the adoption of either one will establish me as a do-gooder and political force to be reckoned with.  Neither proposal will costs the good taxpayers of this burg a dime.

"The first proposal that the City Council will consider will be a contract with the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice to turn the Pier into a halfway house for our young delinquents who are about to re-enter society.  The State would pay the full cost to rehabilitate the existing Pier and the roadway, turning its closed shops into dormitories to house the youngsters until the end of their confinement terms.  They could be introduced back into our society, enjoy fishing, take the Looper to Williams Park, and shop at the Saturday Morning Market, always accompanied of course, by armed correction officers.  Plans are to create 33 permanent jobs, including janitorial and cooking personnel.

 
"The second proposal, and the one I personally favor", said Mayor Kriseman, is to lease

Seminole Leader and unidentified onlooker

the whole kit and kaboodle to the Seminole Tribe of Florida, which would completely rehab the facility and turn it into a Hard Rock Casino, sort of a local extension of the great Hard Rock Hotel and Casino it operates in Tampa.  Think of it!  Loads of great jobs for our residents, and hundreds of thousands of dollars in sales tax it will generate. All of our hotel and downtown retail will benefit from the influx of gamblers and shoppers at the old Baywalk if Edwards ever gets the damn thing open."       

Mayor Kriseman went on to say that the walkway will be covered to house slot machines so that patrons can piss away their money while enjoying the beautiful view of Tampa Bay. Trinkets, such as reproduction arrowheads and baskets will be sold by tribe members.    Fishing will not be allowed, however, since "fishing attracts pelicans, which shit over everything."