WASHINGTON D.C. In a joint statement today Speaker of the
House Paul Ryan and
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| Majority Leader McConnell |
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| Chats with Russians |
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| Wears Ivanka |
Senate Majority Leader
Mitch (“the turtle”) McConnell today announced that they are planning a further
investigation of Hillary Clinton’s involvement in Benghazi. “The disclosure today that National Security
Advisor General Michael T. Flynn had improper communications with Russian
operatives make it imperative that we renew our multiple previous
investigations of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to determine whether
she was in contact with the Russians, which contact contributed to the Benghazi
massacre” said Ryan. “This is far more
important than whether General Flynn lied to Vice President Pence, or whether
Ivanka’s jewelry was not selling well.
We will investigate whether Nordstrom’s despicable marketing should be
investigated by the Justice Department, as urged by Senior Presidential
Counselor KellyAnn Conway”.
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| Needs tutoring |
In other news, the White House announced that Press
Secretary Sean Spicer would receive remedial
reading and speech tutoring, a move applauded by the Washington press
corps.
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| Needs DNA Evidence |
The Department of
Homeland Security advised Mr. Trump, the so-called President, that Attorney
General Jeff Sessions ruled that Alec Baldwin’s passport could not be revoked
in the absence of evidence that Mr. Baldwin had some African heritage in his
DNA.
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| So-Called President |
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